Short version: mostly enjoyable, with one plot twist that made me want to punch the writers in the face. The rest of my comments are spoilertastic, so if you care about the franchise and haven't seen the movie I'd suggest skipping this post for now. (And if you care about the franchise, I would suggest seeing it, unless you have an allergy to dumb action flicks. Like I say, it was fun except for the one thing I really hated.)



So. The one woman in Cobra - one of my favourite villainesses of all time - is only evil in this universe because Cobra Commander and Destro mindraped her with nanites. But it's OK, because her feelings for Duke allow her to overcome the Evol Brainwashing with the power of love! I don't think I have words to convey how much I LOATHE that idea or how much violence it made me want to inflict on whoever came up with this tripe. As kick-arse as Movie!Baroness is, it's completely undercut for me because she didn't choose to become a ninja terrorist but is instead a puppet of the male villains. The only way this misogynist stupidity can be redeemed for me is if she breaks her brother and Destro out of prison in the sequel, kicks them in the head a few times, and sets out to conquer the world.

The film also loses some points because the only two characters with speaking parts that die are a woman and a character of colour, although I'm hoping Storm Shadow is in some kind of super ninja trance and not really dead. (By the flim's standards this would be totally plausible.) I guess the President probably dies too, but we don't actually see that happen.

However! In spite of all the above, I enjoyed most of the film and there were lots of things I liked.

- The action sequences (which are, after all, the point of the exercise) were fast-paced and entertaining. The Paris car chase was probably my favourite.

- Scarlett! With her crossbow and her supergeniusness!!! She was made from pure awesome, which is as it should be. (I don't know why the movies and cartoons seem convinced that she needs a boyfriend who can talk, though. Apparently the cast and crew have hinted that there may be a Snake-Eyes/Scarlett/Ripcord love triangle in the works for the sequel(s), which would be OK with me. Especially if it ends up with Snake-Eyes and Scarlett shooting and slicing people Happily Ever After.)

- *draws pink sparkly hearts around Snake-Eyes*

- Movie!Storm Shadow is more evil than his comicverse version but remains both cool and hot. Was pleased that someone decided the film needed gratuitous beefcake and had Lee Byung-hun take off his shirt. For no real reason. In the middle of a fight to the death. In the Arctic.

- Clearly Scarlett/Ripcord is not going to work out, because Ripcord belongs with Duke. Duke was only remotely interesting to me when he was interacting with his far more amusing buddy.

- On a slightly less shallow level, I like that the team is international even if it makes the American fanbase grumble. Does it really matter if Breaker is Moroccan as long as he still works in communications and chews bubblegum?

- Speaking of things that are likely to piss off the fanbase, I actually appreciated the decision to give Cobra Commander a name and an origin story. Joseph Gordon-Levitt plays homage to Chris Latta's classic performance without slavishly imitating it. I didn't like the stupid helmet, but he only has it on for a few minutes at the end. Fingers crossed they go back to the blank metal mask or hood for the sequel.

- Christopher Eccleston is always a pleasure to watch, although I worry that with his history of moving on quickly he won't be in the sequel. I may have to watch Cobra Commander suggestively inject nanites into someone else instead.

- Wow, my Cobra OT3 has a whole bunch of squicky and incestuous layers in this film.



All in all, I am cool with the film makers changing things. The franchise exists in numerous continuities anyway. I am only annoyed with the thing they changed in an offensively stupid way.